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Why Do We Love？

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Why We Fall in Love?

  • Social Reasons:
    • social influences - union that satisfies general social norms
    • filling needs - fulfill needs such as:
      • companionship
      • love
      • sex
      • mating
    • self-expansion model theory
      • entering in committed relationship requires giving up personal autonomy
      • however, if the other person possesses desirable characteristics, then their inclusion could be an expansion of the self, rather than a loss of freedom
  • Evolutionary Reasons:
    • parental investment theory
      • the idea that the amount of required parental investment in a species should map onto the social and mating-related behaviors of that species. If a species is relatively precocial, we would not expect long-term mating to evolve. Trivers was correct in this prediction across a wide range of species. When you consider a species with quickly advancing offspring, you do not find long-term mating, monogamy, or anything of the kind. Bucks and does, for example, spend very little time together
      • precocial - born in an advanced state
      • alticial - born in an un-advanced state

What Makes Us Fall in Love With a Particular Person?

  • desirable characteristics
    • similar to Love Map and Love Template
    • particularly focused on an outer physical appearance that is found desirable and, to a lesser extent, on desirable personality traits
    • appearance
    • personality
  • reciprocal liking - when the other person is attracted to you or likes you, that can increase your own liking
  • similarity - includes similarity of people’s beliefs and, to a lesser extent, similarity of personality traits and ways of thinking
  • propinquity - a state of being close - familiarity - includes familiarity with the other, which can be caused by:
    • spending time together
    • living near each other
    • thinking about the other
    • anticipating interaction with the other
  • pheromones - a chemical substance produced and released into the environment by an animal, especially a mammal or an insect, affecting the behavior or physiology of others of its species
    • human pheromones found in human sweat
    • special organ called vomeronasal organ detects these pheromones
    • not all humans have the vomeronasal organ

Factors of Romantic-Love instead of Friendship-Love

  • arousal/unusual environment - being in an unusual or arousing environment can spark passion, even if the environment is perceived as dangerous or spooky
  • specific attributes - a particular feature of the other may spark particularly strong attraction (e.g., parts of their body or facial features)
  • desire/readiness - the more you want to be in a relationship, the lower your self-esteem and the more likely you are to fall in love
  • together alone - spending time alone with another person can also attribute to a development of passion
  • mystery/uncertainty - (the mystery surrounding the person) and (uncertainty about what the other person thinks or feels) which also increases propinquity in a way

Tying it All Together

Aron et al. (1989) examined which of these factors are most prevalent in college students based on their descriptions of their experiences of falling in love. The researchers found that the most frequently mentioned factor preceding experiences of love was finding certain characteristics of the other person desirable, as well as reciprocity of the experienced emotions. There was a moderate frequency of descriptions mentioning the factors that spark passion (e.g., readiness, arousal/unusualness). There was a low to moderate frequency of descriptions of the other person being perceived as similar to the research participant.

The researchers argue that the self-expansion model proposed in Aron & Aron (1986) predicts this weighing of factors. On the self-expansion model, we have the greatest propensity to fall in love when we perceive the other person as a way for us to undergo rapid self-expansion. Entering a committed relationship requires giving up some of our personal autonomy by including the other person in our life. If the other person possesses desirable characteristics, their presence in our life can be perceived as an expansion of the self rather than a loss of freedom

The self-expansion model also predicts that the similarity and propinquity factors should have a paradoxical effect in initial stages of falling in love but should have a more significant influence on the duration of love. The main reason is that familiarity and similarity make it less likely that the other person will constitute an expansion of you, once you include him or her in your life

Biological Response to Love

The neurochemical profile of people who are in love is characterized by low levels of the satiation chemical serotonin (Zeki, 2007). In this respect, the obsessive component of new love makes it similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder

Low levels of serotonin are likely counteracted by similarity and familiarity, which can prevent people from falling in love

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